The Diary of a Lunatic
by Jason Layton
Summary: Sherlock is section 2'd for 28 days and strikes up an unusual friendship.


**I hope you like this, it's a little different from my other stories but I was halfway through before I realised it made more sense as a diary. All comments are gratefully received.**

**Thanks, Jason **

_January 1__st__ 2011_

I am a psychopath, more interestingly I am a criminally minded psychopath. Simon my lovely clinical psychologist diagnosed my ASPD within minutes of me arriving here. It took Hare's PCL-R and a series of sessions to diagnose my criminal tendencies, of course it might have been simpler for him just to ask my work colleagues, ex-teachers and family. I quite like my diagnosis firstly because since I was section 3'd I have been allowed to grow plants in manor's greenhouses, secondly because I am now a resident and not likely to leave after 28 days, I have been able to update my subscription details to various periodicals. This large manor is very exciting to me, it is full of interesting people and as long as I take my meds, and come back when I'm told, they stopped watching me quite so closely.

_January 7__th__ 2011_

There is a new man here today; he is a Sociopath, messy and disordered. However in all other ways a brother in arms. He wouldn't see it like that, lonely disorganized unable to fit in society, and I am so much better prepared for the world than he is. He's a little bit older than I am, but between us we are both at least 20 years younger than our next peer is. Mrs Ogden, who thought it would be nice for me to have another younger person around, introduced him to me. He's not my type, my husband he was my type, big rugged, a cook wanted the family thing, I bled him dry for years, until his body gave out. Cancer, that awful curse, so young they said, only in his twenties, they all felt sorry for me then. This mans different slight and feminine. His voice is soft like mine, but he doesn't want to talk to me. He just sat there saying how bored he is; I could have snapped his weedy neck.

_January 8__th__ 2011_

I suspect the new man is gay, he keeps trying to text someone but they take his phone away. I stole it back for him twice, before they threatened to take my plants away. He was grateful then, he spoke to me then. He's only under a section 2, I reckon give him the full 28 days and he'll be out. He thinks if he can text his Doctor friend enough he'll get him out. I explained how nice it was here, that I didn't want to be outside but he just called me boring and went back to texting his friend. I told him when I used to pretend to be sane, I found people ever so pointless and boring as well, but when I came here and embraced my insanity, I was so much more interested in the other residence. He said it was because of my blatant repressed sexual deviance, so I hit him with my book.

_January 10__th__ 2011_

My new friend is more interested in me since I hit him with the book, he didn't report it which he could have done. He says he's somewhat impressed that such a random seeming act was so well planned that no one could possibly have seen it. I told him nothing I did was random, that was his disease not mine, everything I did was planned and replanned. So I took him to see my plants, he laughed of course at what I was doing under their very noses, not that I told him, but he's ever so clever. I think he thought me flighty and whimsical at first, maybe imagined a greenhouse full of pelagoniums. He was also interested how I got the seed, some of my plants are very special. I told him how the belladonna seed had come with me from home, the marijuana from one of the orderlies, the monks hood was tricky and took all the money in Mrs Ogden's Christmas club. I apologized of course as I am missing some of my favorite plants but the police took my seeds when they arrested me.

_January 11__th__ 2011_

My friend got bored again today, so they've taken his phone again and in a rather worrying new twist have posted it to his brother. I do hope they don't try that with my plants, I don't have a brother and I doubt they'd survive Royal Mail. His experiment was ever so interesting and I was enthralled, which is why we were caught. He decided to see which would make him pass out quicker, asphyxiation through drowning or compression of the trachea. I was more than happy to help, but as he pointed out I only have one eye and couldn't possibly judge depth of compression well enough to stop him being killed outright. I worked the stopwatch I had stolen from the stupid aerobics man, while Peter the ex-postman kleptomaniac held him down. The trachea experiment had gone well, and we were just working on the drowning when they caught us. It was entirely my fault my friend was going nicely cyanotic and I was just considering taking a photo when Simon walked in. Luckily they've only taken the stopwatch away from me.

_January 12__th__ 2011_

When I used to pretend to be sane I had many friends, they would come round to the house and give me gifts and pet me. Mostly they were my husbands, but frankly I didn't care about them anyway so what did it matter. Since my arrest known have them have tried to contact me, I can't blame them really. My friend is the first person to speak to me normally now I'm insane, I don't think he's ever pretended to be sane that's why he has friends who know where he is. He got a letter today, from his brother, I stole it but he'd already written a nice little note on it explaining who is brother was and who the other people in the letter were. I was so touched, I kissed him on the forehead. He was quite taken aback I think. I explained that when my husband had remembered my idiosyncrasies I would always kiss him on the forehead. He asked me why I'd married him, and when I told him I'd got bored talking to the disembodied head in my freezer he'd laughed and told me about his skull.

_January 13__th__ 2011_

Today my friend blew up the kitchen, I was impressed. It also gave me enough time to steal an ipad from one of the orderly's cars. I had seen it a few days ago, and he'd been bragging it was a Christmas gift, all I'd needed was a nice big distraction. My friend was desperate to get online, so I told him my plan and he arranged the distraction. While the fire brigade was here, we had time to hide away. In the warm of my greenhouse, he played on the stolen Ipad and I potted with my poisons. He was graffiti-ing his Doctor friends blog when I looked down on him, sitting in the old rocking chair by my woodburning stove. I told him he shouldn't be so mean to his friend, it was odd that a sociopath had any, let alone one with psychotic tendencies, so he shouldn't alienate any he had. Especially ones that loved him enough to get him sectioned after a suicide attempt. He told me I should stop reading other peoples mental health reports, but that I'd get on well with his doctor friend. I thanked him with a long curtsey, and asked if his friend was a psychopath as well, but my friend denied it. He said his friend Watson was far too mundane to have ASPD. While he had been working I'd been busy infusing belladonna, and was carefully bottling it and labeling it cough syrup. I gave him a sample of my handiwork, which pleased him, and he pocketed gratefully. I have hidden the ipad where he suggested, so he can get it and cause more havoc tomorrow.

_January 14__th__ 2011_

Dr Watson was not apparently pleased with my friends comments on the blog, and a full-scale search was carried out today for the offending ipad. Just as my friend predicted nobody thought to look for it in plain sight. He really is quite remarkably brilliant, however I do look at him sometimes and imagine what an outstanding corpse he'd make. He knows of course my predilection for such things, having a similar interest himself. He isn't really suicidal unfortunately, I could help him there, just interested in experimenting with the furthest extremes of his body. He was once a drug addict when he started experimenting and found he couldn't stop. I offered today to brew him something but he declines, however when I pointed out contrary to the manors guidelines I had some handsome nicotiana tabacum in my greenhouse he was much more interested. I feel sorry for him they have isolated him here, away from everything that makes his life worth living because they believe he wants to end it. Some people are so stupid, I like this life, it's gentle the pace is kind and I'm lost in my own world, he's always lost in his own world and needs the excitement to get out of it. That's why he's so mischievous, he's planning something spectacular for tomorrow. He asked if I had anything to hide or do I'd better plan it for 15 minutes after lunch begins, so I have.

_January 15__th__ 2011_

Today he refused to get out of bed, I was impressed with his resolves, they poured repeated buckets of ice over him but still he lay there. A crowd was forming because when breakfast was being served he was screaming he would only leave his bedroom if his friend John was sort and brought to him. He cried, he howled and I began to think that this was his great distraction early. Then I remembered his friend lived in London. It is a 5 hour drive between here and central London, my friend had given him an hour to get the call, find a car and drive here, or if he wanted to he could take a train, and a bus and arrive at 1.15pm. It's Saturday today and I wanted to play in my greenhouse early before they opened the outside grounds to dog walkers and the like. I didn't get there, I sat outside my friend's room while they cajoled, shouted and attempted to beat him into submission. At 1pm he went quiet and I went to lunch. He came into the dining room a few minutes later dressed in a smart suit looking neat and tidy and well dressed, as he passed me to take his place at the table he winked, and I admit I had to stifle an irrational giggle. When his friend came, looking worried it was to find him enjoying a leisurely breakfast, smiling broadly and regaling Doris the biter with a tale. All the staff took the angry and confused Dr Watson into the staff office. I took my chance and with my friend smiling benevolently stole all the bleach from the kitchen.

_January 16__th__ 2011_

I'm the bored one today, because it was Sunday, and because Dr Watson begged they've let my friend go out for the day. I don't think they would like me to leave even for a Sunday afternoon walk. I've tried that before, just to walk down to the lake, but they caught up with me. I have a stolen a small gas heater and some pans so today I have been boiling bleach to make chlorine gas. I have rigged a rather neat little distiller in my friends room, I'm hoping when he gets back he'll appreciate my gift, I have also left him a selection of my favorite poisons to play with. I have also been very naughty, I have left a small bleach based explosive devise in the microwave. I said I was bored, I have left clues around the house, and have texted Dr Watson asking him to tell my friend what I've done. I'm really hoping he will find it as funny as me.

Quick update; I've just had a message back on my ipad asking who this was, when I replied, I got a message back from my friend telling me not to detonate it till he got there. Now I'm in two minds if he's going to try and stop me, then I'll detonate it now, but he has such good ideas for mischief I'm tempted to leave it till he gets back.

_January 18__th__ 2011_

Should have waited for him to come back! He had left his own device in the microwave!

I'm in quite a bit of pain now, but at least I'm awake. I wasn't yesterday, also I got to leave the manor for a bit. My friend rescued me apparently, quite a hero, told me I was an idiot not to listen to him though. I pointed at as a sociopath he was not someone I should immediately trust. It's worked out well for me though, I have been able to visit the mortuary and will happily return to the manor with a number of exciting artifacts. Dr Watson has managed to get my friend phone privileges, something I've never had. He isn't allowed a mobile phone still, and of course no one knows about the ipad, but apparently it's better if they let him talk to his friend regularly so he will be allowed to use the phone when he feels the need. He did enjoy my gift though, although Dr Watson told him it was very worrying and strange behavior. I wonder whether he really understands his friend at all, I'm not trying to kill him, he's not trying to kill himself, and life's just so boring we need a little experimentation every now and then.

_January 20__th__ 2011_

They discharged me today, I was ever so happy. I managed to appropriate a whole human head, a number of fingers, and during a nighttime stroll of furnace room a whole tibia. When I arrived back at the manor it was to find my friend had watered my plants, I was delighted and he earned another kiss. During my absence he had tried to tattoo himself with stolen ink from the office and some pins from the sewing room. It was rather impressive but scabby and horrid. He had been reading about tribal tattoos and wondered if he marked his skin with his mobile phone number it would be easier to identify his corpse. I pointed out to him that only if he hadn't had his leg cut off pre-mortem. His stealing had lost him his phone privileges again so he was back using the ipad. He was back in the rocking chair while I was readjusting the heat light over my marajuana. This was when the question occurred to me, when I was being loaded into the ambulance he was explaining to Dr Watson the course of the explosion, he had used the term 'goodnight Vienna'. I asked him why a man who claimed never to watch rubbish on TV had used a term from Rising Damp a sitcom last broadcast before either of us were born. He had looked up scowled at me, pretended he couldn't hear and went back to his website.

_January 21__st__ 2011_

My gifts arrived today, I couldn't think of a way of smuggling my finds out of the hospital so I had them sent recorded delivery to people I thought would appreciate them. My friend received the head this morning, he knew it was from me of course. He came and asked why and I told him I thought he'd appreciate it, I was right. He was concerned about what I may have sent to Dr Watson and when I told him about the tibia he seemed genuinely disappointed it wasn't more gruesome. I told him about the fingers though, I'd sent one to my mother-in-law, one to my arresting officer, one to my old boss, one to Simon, one to the director of the Manor and the final one to my friends brother. That surprised him, but I explained that as he hadn't heard from my friend since he'd been posted the mobile phone and I thought he'd appreciate it. My friend explained that he doubted his brother would understand but he appreciated the thought. He wasn't worried that we might get into trouble, but was worried the police might think I was goading them. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I was. He just laughed.

_January 22__nd__ 2011_

When I came down to breakfast this morning the dining room was in disarray, my friend had spent all night boiling the flesh of my gift, and was now in animated discussion with the skull. None of the other residents would sit in the dining room, and the staff were busy cleaning the kitchen where his nighttime cookery had taken place. I liked the skull and when my friend told me he missed his original skull Yorik, I told him this one had to be called Horatio. Apparently this gentleman wasn't so entertaining though, and I apologized. It was of no matter to him, now he had his skull, he felt he was getting back to normal. I asked him what else he was missing and he told me a good murder. That I can do, but he asked me not to, there would be no thrill of the chase and no mystery if I just poisoned someone. I said I could use a mixture of poisons and he could find which one killed the vic. He suggested I could poison him and he would have to find the antidote before it killed him, but he would need a lab. So this afternoon I am going to go and steel him one.

_January 23__rd__ 2011_

I'm ready when he is. Last night I hitched down to the local town and stole the things my friend asked for. An industrial microscope was fairly easy to steal but hard to move, and I had to borrow a car to bring it back! Other bits were harder hydrochloric acid was stolen from the local secondary school a long with some other chemicals. Pippettes and saline came from the local opticians, I left a note there. Most of the rest came from a local toyshop where I took their complete stock of horrible science. I have set all this up in one of the cellars, and when I showed him he was impressed. I don't think he's having second thoughts about my ability to poison him safely, just about my motives. I promised faithfully I'd give him time to solve my clues, and would have the antidote ready if he failed.

_January 24__th__ 2011_

Today I poisoned him, I fed him thallium in a cup of tea. He didn't tell me I could but I was bored, and remembered I had bought some shortly after my arrest, and it was in one of my horticultural boxes. I came back and told him about 2 hours later, but he'd already started working on what I may have fed him. He was busy for a further hour before I told him he had about 18 hours. Then I worked on retrieving the little vial of potassium ferric ferros-cyanide (Prussian blue) I'd hidden inside the watering system in the greenhouse. He's still working on it, I've got bored. He'll start to go into decline about 7am so I'll have to give him my antidote then.

_January 25__th__ 2011_

He woke me at 3am to ask for the antidote. He explained his findings, he new what I'd given him, the dosage, but couldn't get hold of the antidote. As he'd worked so hard I rewarded him, and he scampered off like a happy child. I spent the rest of the day in therapy sessions, so I didn't see whether my friend had lost any hair. I sometimes hate Simon, and would like to poison him, he always asks who I'm angry with. When I say myself he tells me I'm wrong!

_January 26__th__ 2011_

His brother came to visit him, I didn't expect him to be so old, and I should have sent him two fingers. I sat watching them together, my friend was sulky and teenage again, his brother like a stern father. He had been worried about my friend's suicide attempt and was apparently mostly behind his sectioning. My friend assured his brother he wasn't suicidal just experimenting with his own blood loss, and it was a good job that he lived with a doctor. I felt I understood him better then after my husband died I hadn't wanted to harm anybody I was just experimenting. People just shouldn't try and get into others minds, it's dark in here and there are people you'd like to avoid.

_January 28__th__ 2011_

Since my friend's brother left we have had a terrible time, he's been throwing things and shouting, demanding to speak to Dr Watson, and when he did slamming the phone down on him. He broke windows, and riled against the world. After 2 days he has finally stopped screaming, and is now sitting in the centre of his bed wrapped in his coat rocking backwards and forwards.

_January 29__th__ 2011_

Today I got him a phone, a man came to read the gas meter, so I stole his phone. My friend immediately phoned a different friend who was a policeman. A Detective Inspector no less, I watched as my friend sat in the rocking chair shouting at this man 300 miles away that he was bored and he needed a case. I sadly realized in 5 days my friend would be back in London and I would still be here in my greenhouse. I asked him if I could send him my poisons and trophies when he was back in London. He told me of course, but he doubted they'd let him back as he was a dangerous sociopath and nobody wanted him. I was suddenly sad for him I thought him a sane man in a lunatic asylum, but maybe the real issue was he was in the correct place now, and the wrong place outside.

_January 31__st__ 2011_

I've made him pack today, his room was a mess and they are coming to reassess him tomorrow. He needs to look sane if he wants to go. He has sent his more strange items to the cellar lab, he looked rather sad without his collection of detritus around him. I was rather disturbed for him, but he's a good actor and I was able to convince him a winning smile and a nice suit would work just as well on Simon as it did on his Dr Watson.

_February 2__nd__ 2011_

He's leaving tomorrow, I really shouldn't care. He has been fascinating and mischievous company though and the only person who has never treated me like a crazy person since my arrest. He deals with criminal's everyday, and I think if he thought we were all as mad as Doris the biter he'd never get anyway. When I used to pretend I was sane I was never happy, always miserable, sad marriage, awful home life terrible job. When my husband died I fell apart, couldn't pretend to be sane anymore it was too hard. I got bored and then I got reckless. I sold those poisons to see what would happen to the people that bought them, I then stole their body parts to experiment with. I dug up my husband and experimented with him, and then when I was still bored I started experimenting with myself. If I hadn't blown up the house. I'd never have gone to hospital, if I hadn't gone to hospital they'd never have found my guilty secrets, and I'd never have been arrested. If they ever let me out of here, I think I could atone for all of that, because if someone like him can work for the police who says I can't?

_February 3__rd__ 2011 _

He's left now, his friend Dr Watson came and collected him. I was happy as he left, because Dr Watson had brought me some seeds he'd asked him to bring. As I bent down to kiss him for the last time he grabbed my wrist and whispered in my ear.

Your not insane Doctor stop persisting in this charade

_You are insane Sherlock Holmes, you stop first._


End file.
